Well, Fuck Me !!!

Pardon the French, but frankly, I'm pissed off. I've managed to gain back the 1 1/2 kilos that I recently lost after much strenuous gym effort.

So what happened?

*I didn't weight myself for 3 days (I normally weigh myself every day)

*I ate bread & butter pudding (but made on skim milk, no butter and gluten free bread)

*I didn't do any cardio workouts for 3 days (due to total and utter exhaustion from an earlier boxing workout where I over did it)

* I left my appetite suppressants at home on those 3 days

Fuck Fuck Fuck !!!

This is so unbelievably boring. I have been dieting and exercising for 18 months and frankly, I'm so totally over it. Of course, I won't be quitting because the alternative is more depressing than diet and exercise, but Gods, I would do anything to be someone who doesn't have to worry about this sort of crap.

The exhaustion brought about by the PVS affects my abilities to exercise - I can do about 1/2 an hour of cardio and 1/2 an hour of gym work in a day and that is it, otherwise I wind up trying to recover for 3 days afterwards.

I know some of you must wonder why on earth I do it to myself. Well, I'll tell you why - I simply cannot go back to being that miserable fat girl that I was in 2005. I couldn't shop in regular clothing shops, going out was a nightmare - trying to make myself look attractive, and I was sick to death of the snide fat jokes at my expense. I am glad that there are fat-campaigners out there, doing what they can to make life easier for overweight individuals, but frankly, I'm rather battle on to be in the 10 percent of people that lose weight and keep it off for more than 5 years.

It just doesn't seem to be getting any easier at the moment.

I have taken up knitting as a distraction and hopefully I will create lots of masterpieces and distract myself from my obsession with wintery puddings. Mmmm, pudding.

Until next time,

Kate